Monday, October 17, 2005

Just dial 1-800-STEVEKNOWS

I think my husband might be psychic.

Now I don't want to spook you - this being Halloween season and all - but I really need an objective opinion about his potentially awesome and frightening mind-reading abilities.

Here's the evidence. Consider carefully:

Situation 1:

A few months ago, we received a call from our friend Marva*
(* name changed to protect the caller). Steve answered, and I half listened to the conversation from the other room. I tuned back in when I heard him say:

"Oh, I'm sorry you're not feeling well."

Pause.

"Surgery, huh."

Pause.

"Well, what did you do, get breast implants?"

Pause.

Pause.

"Oh . . . Uh, well, good on ya, Marva!"

Frightened by my husband's predicting power, it wasn't until later that I thought:

Why was Marva calling to tell us she got breast implants?

and

Good on ya?


Situation Number 2:

Arriving late to church one Sunday, we passed our friends Sparky* and LaDawn* in the hallway. Sparky was wrestling with their 6-month-old, and LaDawn looked a little under the weather. As we passed, the following conversation transpired:

Me: "How are you doing, LaDawn?"

LD: "Oh, not so great, actually. I'm feeling a little sick."

Me: "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that."

Steve: "What is it, morning sickness?"

Pause.

Pause.

LD: "Well, yeah, actually, it is."


You guys, I am seriously spooked. Am I the only woman with a psychic spouse? Will his powers become so strong that he'll be able to sense that I don' t really like watching the SPEED channel? Should I continue to take him out in public? Does he know what I'm thinking about right now? (Answer: Tacos)

Please tell me I'm not alone. Or did you already know I was going to ask that?

7 comments:

Lizzayt said...

Sounds like you've got FHE covered.

AzĂșcar said...

I asked around today: you're the only one.

I was pretty happy for you when I heard you got married. Now, I'm a tad concerned. It's not that I don't appreciate the macabre, it's just something else to wake up to the macabre in the morning.

Emmie said...

It IS pretty scary, Carina - especially since he looks so sweet and innocent in the morning! But there may be hope - perhaps his psychic abilities are limited to predicting plastic surgery and pregnancy. Only time will tell. . .

c jane said...

Emmie,
Well...I'd say to count yourself very lucky indeed. A man like that is handy.
Since I am planning on getting implants soon I hope that you'll send me your well-wishing a week before the big surgery.
Love ta soeur,
Courtney
P.S. I was kidding about the implants. Couldn't be more kidding. That would make me a size W. No thank-you.

Emmie said...

Lovely soeur C Jane,
I'm relieved to hear there will be no attempt to emulate Dolly Parton.

I read your blog today, and
a) Love the fall colors
b) Am sad about your Frida painting
c) That chicken soup looks GOOD

c jane said...

Awwww shucks. Thanks Emmie, when you're in town come over for some soup any ol' time.

meg said...

Emmie,
My husband is a psychic too, but for the ones who have crossed over. He has actually started his own web site and supposedly does readings. I know he can read people the minute they come around and I also wonder how much he can read about my thoughts. He claims that the guides don't interfer with spouse but he has said things that only his guides would have told him. It makes life very difficult especially when we don't even talk about it. He goes online to check his web site and emails and will be on there for hours at a time. I can tell when he is responding to emails and I just leave the room. He says he doesn't know how to talk to me about it because he doesn't know why all of this happens to him. He has done a lot of research and is moving ahead. My problem is talking about it. What do I say "so what's new with your other life?" Thats what I call it. I feel left out. He knows this and he still doesn't try and include me because he says he doesn't know how.
Good luck - if you can keep the lines of communication open it will be easier for you.
meg