Thursday, December 01, 2005

Adventures in Temping: The Final Chapter of 2005 or How I Learned That Blondes Don't Necessarily Have More Fun

Last month I received an urgent call from my temp agency.

"Listen, honey, we need you to go in for an interview for your next temping assignment. They want to see you in person before they hire you."

This was highly unusual. The type of work I do does not typically require a pre-hire interview. The type of work I do typically requires a sixth-grade education, and perhaps the ability to sign for packages. I was intrigued. And so it was that on a balmy Friday afternoon I found myself standing in front of the gleaming floor-to-ceiling windows of one of the highest of all high-end car dealerships in this our United States of America.

Walking past showroom cars I scarcely dared breathe upon, I came to the reception desk. Three receptionists, each with long, glistening, decidedly blonde hair, greeted me in unison with three glistening, decidedly blonde smiles. Upon closer inspection, I discovered they were all wearing matching suits. With decidedly plunging necklines. Staring down into a sea of cleavage, I told them why I was there.

Ten minutes later, sitting across from the Client Relations Supervisor, I participated in the following conversation:

CRS: "It's nice to meet you. Do you have receptionist experience?"

ME: "Uh, yes, yes I do. I've been temping for two years, and before that I . . ."

CRS: "Good. Do you have phone-answering experience?"

ME: "Well, yes . . . I've been temping for two yea . . ."

CRS: "Good. Thank you for coming in. We'll see you soon."

Later that day, the agency called.

"You got the job! Congratulations!"

"Okay . . . Do you know why I had to go in for an interview?"

"Well, they just wanted to get a feel for you."

"A feel for me?"

"Yeah. You start work on Monday."

"Okay, thanks."

"Oh, and one more thing. Wear your hair down."

"What?"

"When you go on Monday. Wear your hair down."


MONDAY

(Times are approximate. All other details are to the very best of my recollection.)

10:00am The youngest of the blondes turns to me.

YOB: "So, where are you from?"

ME: "Utah."

YOB: "Seriously? Are you a Mormon?"

ME: "Yes."

YOB: "No way!! Me too!"

10:27am YOB returns from the breakroom with a big cup of coffee.

12:01pm I am informed that after a morning of training, I've learned enough to answer calls by myself.

1:02pm

ME: "Thank you for calling. How may I help you?"

CALLER: "Um, well, I need your help."

ME: "Okay . . . how can I help you?"

C: "Well . . . I need to know if I bought a car from you."

ME: "You don't know if you bought a car from us or not?"

C: "Well . . . no, not really. Did I?"

ME: "Uh, I'm not sure. Do you remember your salesperson's name?"

C: "No! I just told you! I don't know if I bought a car from you guys! I need you to tell me!"

ME: "So, just to make sure I understand - you don't know if you bought a car from us?"

C: "Okay, look. Last month I got into an accident, and now I have amnesia. So I DON'T REMEMBER! Why can't you just TELL ME??"

3:24pm

YOB: "So, do you have a calling in your ward? I'm activities coordinator. It's awesome!"

4:15pm I've counted seven Chanel bags, seven small dogs, and fourteen breast implants accompanied by seven 70-year-old men.

4:58pm

YOB: (on phone) "Oooh, I LOVE that place! They have the BEST margaritas!"


To Be Continued . . .

10 comments:

Emily said...

Beautiful young blondes with plunging necklines are totally exempted from the Word of Wisdom. Did you miss that in section 89?

AzĂșcar said...

I think the big question is did you wear your sparkly low cut top or the skin tight red low cut top?

cotton_in_the_medicine_bottles said...

My life is SO not as interesting as yours.
It's a good thing you're super cute. A plunging neckline on me would only reveal a vast expanse of nothingness. I'd never have gotten that job. Even if I dyed my hair.
Makes you wonder what kind of activities they do in YOBs ward.

Kiki said...

WOW!

Emmie said...

Emily,
I totally forgot about that part of section 89! Perhaps I've misjudged her devotion to the faith.

Carina,
I'm appalled that you would assume I have such clothing items in my closet!

P.S. The skin tight red one.

Cotton,
Now I want to go to YOBs ward activities! And I've always wanted to dye my hair your color.

P.S. I bet you have some tales from your casting adventures that would be QUITE entertaining.

Carrie,
Girl, you ain't heard nothin' yet.

Kiki said...

I'm not sure if my "WOW!" was aimed more toward YOB or the fact that they require the employees to wear their hair down for whatever (sexist) reasons. However, I do find it odd that she would profess so energetically her faith and calling, yet she's drinking coffee and margaritas. I'm going to be optimistic and pretend/assume that the drinks were were caro or pero and non-alcoholic respectively.

Anonymous said...

You may be able to temp, but can you do this?

Emmie said...

Oh my gosh. You are a genius. That picture made my day.

Emmie said...

And it's only natural that he surfs. After all, he's a California bunny.

Kiki said...

That's hilarious!