Sunday, November 26, 2006

Tutorial

I'm sick. I think it's only a mild cold, but I didn't get my flu shot this year, so I'm a bit worried. (If there were awards for worrying, I'd have an entire wall devoted to the displaying of such awards, and then I'd worry about the manner in which the awards were displayed.) Luckily, my show opened the day before I got sick, so at least I can be grateful I wasn't sniffling and coughing on stage, and I now have several days to get over whatever is plaguing me before my next performance.

Anyway, because of my affliction, I've spent the day drinking orange juice (with extra pulp), and watching mindless television. Well, not completely mindless, as this evening I have learned the following facts:

1. Anthony Hopkins was in a movie with Chris Rock. Although it's difficult to imagine why anyone thought this was a good idea, the fact remains that it is so.

2. Soleil Moon Frye (of "Punky Brewster" fame) is now starring in movies on the Lifetime Movie Network.

3. For only 2 payments of $19.95 (plus $7.95 shipping and handling) I can own GeMagic. Owning GeMagic would mean that I could put rhinestones and other sparkly "assorted studs" on practically anything. Cathy Mitchell, a "Home Products Expert", told me all about it. (How exactly does one become a Home Products Expert, I wonder. Are there online classes I can take?)

4. The McRib is back.

5. Fitness Made Simple is made for real people.

6. In 1973, Sean Connery made a movie called Zardoz. It is set in the year 2293. Apparently, this is how people will be dressing in the 23rd century:



And now, if you'll excuse me, I need to take some Nyquil. But not before I pull out a credit card and call a certain toll-free number.

I won't tell you exactly what my friends and family are getting for Christmas this year, but I will say that rhinestones are definitely involved.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Death By Brownie, Anyone?


I went to London on a seven-week study abroad when I was 19. I could tell you about the full-male nudity I saw whilst I was there (Angels In America, anyone?), and that I was so shocked and stunned that I turned to the girl sitting next to me and whispered, "Um - is he, uh, naked?" and the girl (also a young, innocent BYU student) whispered back, "Um - I, uh, I think so." (And now I'm going to get a bunch of people visiting this blog who did a google search for "full-male nudity" and "naked BYU student" and oh they are going to be so disappointed!) Instead, I will tell you about how, after a week in London, my friends and I observed that there were an inordinate amount of men in England named either Barry or Nigel. We were discussing this fact one day as we walked past a phone booth, and, just as my friend paused for breath, we heard the man in the booth say:

"'Allo, Barry? This is Nigel."

I wrote home to tell one of my bestest friends about it, and it has come to pass (for at least the past 10 years), that whenever we call each other, whoever is doing the calling will say: "'Allo, Barry? This is Nigel." in a Cockney accent.

Anyway, today I received an email from Barry ('Allo, Barry!), informing me that my brownie recipe was in the Daily Herald. She told me that Annette Lyon, one of the founders of the Utah Chocolate Show (also a friend)(Annette, not the Chocolate Show)(Although I'm sure that, were I to attend, the Chocolate Show would become a friend as well), shared the recipe as part of an article about the show, and chocolate in general.

In high school, we would eat giant pans of the aforementioned brownies until we were pretty much sick, and then we'd eat some more. If you decide to make THEM, I recommend 3/4 cup cocoa (instead of one cup), and 3-4 Tbs. chocolate drink mix or hot cocoa powder. Eat them for me, my friends, for I now have a wheat allergy, and can no longer indulge as I did during the carefree, gluten-filled days of my youth.

Friday, November 03, 2006



Recently, I had the following conversation with a bank teller:

Teller (reading my name): "Emmelyn. Hmmm. That's an interesting name. Did your mom just like, make it up or something?"

Me: "Um-"

Teller: "Or is it a combination of Emily and Emma?"

Me: "Well-"

Teller: "Or Evelyn and Emmaline?"

Me: "It's-"

Teller: "Or are you named after someone or something?"

Me: "I-"

Teller: "Huh. Emmelyn. What an interesting name."

Now, before I go any further, I'd like to take this opportunity to state that I understand that it's probably part of Teller Training (TT) to chat up customers while processing their requests. And I'm cool with that. I'm down with that. I don't mind bank personnel asking me how my day's going, what the weather's like outside, or if I've just requested $10 in quarters because it's laundry day. (Although sometimes, when they ask the quarters question, I want to stare at them and say: "No, the quarters aren't for laundry. I just like to pay for everything in quarters." or "It is absolutely none of your business why I need these quarters.")

But seriously, folks, is the name Emmelyn really that interesting? Interesting enough to warrant four inquiries as to its origin? Seriously? Surely there are many names out there that are far more deserving of such interest.

That said, I enjoy having a unique name. I'm glad that it's just unique enough, and not a "what were your parents thinking" kind of unique. When I'm introduced to people for the first time, I usually have to a) repeat my name several times and then spell it per their request, or b) correct them after they've called me Emily, Emmaline, Emmalou, Evelyn, or AmyLyn (or, in one memorable instance: Bemmalyn). If I don't feel like doing either of those things, I just tell them my name is Emmie, like the award. (Although Emmie, while simpler, is no hassle-free guarantee: After giving my name to a restaurant host on two separate occasions, I've looked down to discover they've written "Bemmie" and "Memaie", respectively. So perhaps the fault lies not in various restaurant hosts, but within myself. Am I inadvertently putting a "b" sound before my "eh" sounds? Next time you talk to me, please let me know. You'll be doing me and restaurant personnel a great service.)

Anyway, because I know what it's like when people mangle one's name, I try to pay very close attention when someone tells me their name, so that I can make sure I don't mispronounce it. Of course, the fact that I forget that person's name mere minutes (and sometimes seconds) later is the topic for a whole 'nother blog; a blog entitled: "Why I Can Remember Entire Monologues From Plays I Did In High School But Not My Relief Society President's Name: One Woman's Personal Journey." (And since that blog title has a colon in it, there's hope that it might some day be made into a Lifetime original movie.)

One more thing I'll tell you about my name: my pre-marriage initials were ET. That meant that when I was in the sixth grade, and Steven Spielberg made a movie about a glowy-fingered alien of the same name, my classmates thought my initials were HILARIOUS. I remember one particular time in grade school when I had gone to the office to call my mom, and two boys from my class saw me on the phone and yelled "ET Phone Home!" and then ran away laughing hysterically and high-fiving each other.

Sixth graders are so interesting.