Sunday, November 26, 2006

Tutorial

I'm sick. I think it's only a mild cold, but I didn't get my flu shot this year, so I'm a bit worried. (If there were awards for worrying, I'd have an entire wall devoted to the displaying of such awards, and then I'd worry about the manner in which the awards were displayed.) Luckily, my show opened the day before I got sick, so at least I can be grateful I wasn't sniffling and coughing on stage, and I now have several days to get over whatever is plaguing me before my next performance.

Anyway, because of my affliction, I've spent the day drinking orange juice (with extra pulp), and watching mindless television. Well, not completely mindless, as this evening I have learned the following facts:

1. Anthony Hopkins was in a movie with Chris Rock. Although it's difficult to imagine why anyone thought this was a good idea, the fact remains that it is so.

2. Soleil Moon Frye (of "Punky Brewster" fame) is now starring in movies on the Lifetime Movie Network.

3. For only 2 payments of $19.95 (plus $7.95 shipping and handling) I can own GeMagic. Owning GeMagic would mean that I could put rhinestones and other sparkly "assorted studs" on practically anything. Cathy Mitchell, a "Home Products Expert", told me all about it. (How exactly does one become a Home Products Expert, I wonder. Are there online classes I can take?)

4. The McRib is back.

5. Fitness Made Simple is made for real people.

6. In 1973, Sean Connery made a movie called Zardoz. It is set in the year 2293. Apparently, this is how people will be dressing in the 23rd century:



And now, if you'll excuse me, I need to take some Nyquil. But not before I pull out a credit card and call a certain toll-free number.

I won't tell you exactly what my friends and family are getting for Christmas this year, but I will say that rhinestones are definitely involved.

8 comments:

Jannah said...

Em,
if you are planning to add gems to the little Sean Connery number, I would like to request mine to be red with white dazzles, that way I can wear it for Chinese New Year, Valentines, fourth of July (I'll add a blue brassiere) and even Christmas, cuz I already got a red -n-green striped hat that would look perfect!

I guarentee that if you can successfully complete these gifts you will have earned the title
"Home Products Expert"

c jane said...

Yum. Me likey the year 2293. The year 2293 can't come soon enough. Mmmmmm.

Phoebe said...

So would this be similar to the Beadazzler? Because I definitely need one of those.

AzĂșcar said...

I minored in Home Product Expertise.

Emmie said...

AzĂșcar,
After seeing your croissant production, I'd say you wrote the book on Home Product Expertise.

Jannah,
Thank you for making my day with your comment.
I guarantee that, should you wear the little Sean Connery number, Eddie will have a very Merry Christmas indeed.

C Jane,
It's that mustache, isn't it. (And the thigh-high boots.)

Phoebe,
Exactly like the Bedazzler. They're even the same price!

~j. said...

Woah woah woah. How can Fitness Made Simple be for real people when the main spokesperson guy looks like his own head has been airbrushed onto that body? Creepy McCreepyson.

compulsive writer said...

Hope you're feeling better. How's your show going?

As for the Sean Connery thing: I'm speechless.

Emmie said...

Thanks, Compulsive! The show's going quite well, I think.