Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Ho, Ho, Whoa!

Yesterday I went to a hair salon in the mall to get my roots done. My salon has the word "International" in its name, but I doubt it is actually international. Kind of like when people put extra consonants and/or vowels at the end of words to make them seem more ritzy. Like "shoppe" and "towne." Just so you all know, I live in an apartmentte complexe.

Anyway, I'm not here to talk about my hair or my ritzy apartmentte.
No, my friends. I'm here to talk about the LARGEST CHRISTMAS DECORATION I HAVE EVER SEEN.

After exiting my international hair salon on the third floor of the mall,
I turned the corner and came upon this:



Big deal, you say. It's just a slightly fuzzy picture of a Christmas tree, you say. But you haven't looked over the railing yet.



Look at the people down there! They're so little! I had to go down to the ground floor to get a closer look:





As I was taking this picture, a little boy in a stroller was squealing with delight at the train weaving in and out of the roots of the tree (it even has train sound effects). Then he looked up at the giant Santa looming over him, and screamed in terror.

Let's go up to the second floor and get a closer look at that Santa:



If my apartment had a chimney, I would not want this man anywhere near it.

And the other Santa?



It kind of looks like he's winding up to hit someone over the head with that Christmas tree.

Let's go up to the third floor again.



The globe on the top has snow inside it that blows around.

Where do you think they store this thing? Some airplane hanger somewhere? I'm sure it comes apart, but still. And how do they put it up? Ladders? Cranes? Mountain climbing equipment?

I decided that I needed to film a documentary about it.

But first I needed to go to Borders to get some hot chocolate.

7 comments:

Queen Scarlett said...

What a fun post - love the kids screaming in terror. That thing is a Christmas Miracle Monstrosity. You'll have to show us all how your roots are doing. CHEERS!

compulsive writer said...

All I have to say is, "Holy Hannah! That's Huge!"

And I need to tell you that "Reader's Digest" is sponsoring a "World's Best Brownie" contest I think you need to enter.

That's all!

Dianna G. said...

I want to write a Christmas song inspired by that thing entitled "Creepy Christmas." Of course, I'd also like to write a song called "Christmas with an Ulcer."

Love ya!

AzĂșcar said...

I heard it's visible from space.

Mom said...

Wow. No one can ever call ME extravagant again!

All Love from Provo's Most Forlorn Empty Nest Christmas Site

Emily said...

I love that you very carefully documented your experience with the larger-than-life scary Santa tree (???) by advancing among the floors for just the right photo and analysis vantage point. Props to you. We all benefit when you take your job as a photoblogger seriously.

Emmie said...

Emily,
I am grateful that you noted my painstaking attention to detail in bringing this Christmas Decoration to your attention, and I thank you for not mentioning the fact that I am a seriously bad photographer.