Thursday, October 11, 2007

Boris


I've been thinking for a while now that I'd love to have some kind of exercise machine in my apartment. Although it wouldn't really go with the decor (it's unfortunate that IKEA doesn't manufacture treadmills), I would feel ever so much more productive if I could, say, go for a walk whilst watching AMC's Mad Men. I do love to multi-task. (And I do love Mad Men.) And I've really come to dislike my gym: it's kind of smelly and dimly lit, and it's full of creepy old men (in speedos).

Because our budget can't quite stretch to afford a brand spankin' new piece of exercise equipment, I turned to my good friend Craigslist. (Have you met Craigslist? If you haven't, you really should.) Within minutes, I'd found a stationary recumbent bike (perfect for my gimpy knee) for $99. Amazing! I emailed the seller right away, asking if the bike was still available, several questions about its condition, and when I could come take a look at it. About an hour later, I received a response. The response was as follows:


Yes.

Best regards,

Boris



Now, I really do appreciate best regards, and it was very nice of Boris to email them to me.  But I did ask him several questions, and, try as I might, I can't quite make "yes" the answer to any of them.  Plus, I have a mild fear of people named Boris.  I'm afraid that, assuming I'm able to find out where he lives, I will be met at the door by a large, burly man who will shout at me in Russian.  Either that, or he will have bolts coming out of either side of his neck.  I am seriously Boris phobic!  And, while I'm sure that there are some perfectly nice, neck-boltless men named Boris out there, that is really of little help to me when I receive a monosyllabic response to detailed questionings. Do you see what I'm saying?

Although he did send me his best regards . . .

10 comments:

AzĂșcar said...

Distrust him on principal.

Emily said...

You have the funniest things happen to you. I'd check it out.

iZING said...

He's probably harmless, go check out the exercise bike ..but take a silver bullet and a gold cross just in case.

Dianna G. said...

And miss a chance to meet the Grinch? No way. Would that he had not died 38 years ago. But who knows, it could be an Elvis thing. You might email him back with "Boris, I have a few questions before I come and look at it" and he might respond "Did I say Boris? I meant Beauregard." It might explain the brevity of his message. A 120 year old man is not likely to type very fast, or need a stationary recumbent bike any longer. Just thinking...

blondie's sis said...

The seeming randomness of your beginning sentence about exercise equipment really cracked me up. This being October, I saw the Boris Karloff photo and expected to read a Halloween-themed entry.

Noelle said...

You have to check it out! He seems very cool! But, I would dust off an old jogging outfit from the 80's first. I don't know any Boris' personally, however, I have seen a few in movies and they are always wearing jogging suits!

TnD said...

Craig's list is wonderful and has somehow found its way into Maslow's hierarchy of needs, at least for me, but there are your fair share of sketchy sellers out there. My last Craig's list run-in included a man in a graffiti stained building with an equally graffiti stained body, who actually whistled at me when I arrived to check our his infant stroller. Check it out the standing bike, but meet at Starbucks.

Emmie said...

Thank you all for your wise counsel! (Loved your Craig's list story, Tara.) I took Steve with me to meet Boris, who turned out to be both very Russian and very nice. (Boris, not Steve.) Boris told us that he didn't need the bike anymore because he has become a ballroom dancer. After appraising Steve, he told me that Steve should take ballroom dance lessons, because "he is young, strong man." Then he tried to convince me to flirt with the owner of the storage unit place so that the guy would keep it open longer. (Long story.) But the end result is that I have a fabulous new recumbent bike in my living room! It goes so fabulously with the decor . . .

Emily said...

I'm so glad you got the bike. I love, no. I double-love criag's list. we've found so many fabulous bargains on there--and a lot of it's really great stuff that people have to get rid of 'cause they're moving abroad or overextended themselves. Or took up ballroom dancing.

And I have an old, used treadmill in my bedroom (it also goes fabulously with the decor, as you might imagine...) and I love that thing almost as much as my child. In the winter (or when I procrastinate my exercise past daylight) it is such a life-saver. And when you've got babes, it's so nice to be able to hop on a machine and get some exercise without leaving the house.
anyway, long comment! so happy for you!

Geo said...

Glad it had a happy ending. See? Neck bolts are not as scary as Speedos.