Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Five Things I Have Learned Over The Past Five Weeks

1. Sometimes, a real estate agent will describe an apartment as "bright and airy." When you actually see the apartment, you will realize that "bright and airy" means "has a tiny window and oxygen."

2. Sometimes you will accidentally leave your debit card at the grocery store. And you will realize what you have done only after you arrive home, and you will race back to the store with your heart pounding, hoping against hope that your card is in the possession of someone who is presently giving it to the cashier for safekeeping, and not giving it to the cashier to purchase a year's supply of frozen pizza and cigarettes. When you arrive at the store, you will ask the cashier if she has seen your card. She will eye you suspiciously, and ask for your name. You will tell her your name, and she will open a drawer and glance down at the card resting therein. After a few moments, she will say, "Okay . . . but is the card a Visa, or a Mastercard?" You will say, "Uh . . . Visa?" She will nod, and then ask to see your driver's license. She will then take the card (a Visa) out of the drawer, and slowly hand it over to you. And as you tuck the card back into your wallet, you will wonder: if you had gotten the Visa or Mastercard question wrong, would she not have given you the card? Even though your name was on it?

3. Sometimes Del Taco will come out with a new limited-time-only shake, and sometimes it will be a Neopolitan shake. You will not understand this.

4. Sometimes you will decide to ride Splash Mountain on a cool Southern California evening. You will not remember how wet one can get on Splash Mountain, so you will ask your fellow Disney-goers how wet one gets. They will say, "Oh, not very wet at all." So you will go on Splash Mountain, and then you will spend the next two hours wringing tidal waves of water from every square inch of your clothing:


(The fear you see on Steve's face is real. Not fear for himself or for me, but fear of the water making contact with his precious Blackberry.)

5. Sometimes you will spend five million years looking for the right apartment in San Diego. It will be very frustrating and time-consuming, and you will become very annoyed during the whole process, and maybe even get into an argument with your husband in front of a leasing agent. But then, just as you are about to throw in the proverbial towel (or throw it at your husband), you will find your new apartment. And this will be the view from your new patio:


Sometimes, things work out.